Title: Don’t Panic
Author: Froxyn
Rating: FRT
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Timeline: Directly after
the destruction of Sunnydale.
Synopsis: Giles and
Buffy deal with the implosion of the town they once called home.
Author’s Notes: Album
fic. Lyrics and song can be found here.
Giles sighed in relief when he
finally found her. He had been to her
motel room, but she wasn’t there. And
after asking everyone, he had realized that no one had known where she
was. And he had felt the panic well
within him as he took off on a frantic search for his Slayer.
Buffy didn’t bother to look at
him as he sat down on the ground next to her.
Her legs were bent with her arms wrapped around them, her chin resting
on her knees.
“No one out there knows what
happened to our home.”
Giles followed her line of
vision. Lights from the houses in the
town below the hill they were sitting on casting a soft glow.
“No, they don’t.” He answered after a brief hesitation. “Does that bother you?”
She slowly turned her head to
look at him. “Are you asking if I want
gratitude for saving the world…again?”
He didn’t miss the bite in her
words.
“No…that’s not what I meant,
Buffy. Why must you think that
everything I say now is a criticism of some type?”
She turned back towards the
lights and gave him a simple answer.
“Because I’m still angry with
you.”
“I know.” He whispered softly.
Silence fell over them for a few
moments before Buffy took a deep breath and spoke, still staring out over the
town.
“Why are you here?”
“I’m your…” He cleared his throat and began again. “I’m a Watcher.”
She shook her head softly. “No, I meant…why are you here…with
me, right now?”
Before he could answer, she gave
him a quick glance and lowered her voice to a nearly inaudible whisper.
“And even though I’m still angry
with you, you’re still my Watcher.”
He licked his dry lips and ran a
nervous hand through his hair. “I’m
here…right now, with you…because I was worried. No one knew where you were.”
“So I became your mission for
the evening?”
Giles sighed heavily and stared
at the ground. “No.”
“Then why – ”
He interrupted her quickly, his
irritation growing. “God…look around
you, Buffy. For just a moment, look
around you and see what you’ve done.
What we’ve done.”
“What we’ve done? We got a lot of people in the town formerly
known as Sunnydale killed. That’s what
we did. And a good number of those
people were girls that I was supposed to be keeping safe.”
Giles shuddered as he felt her
pain hit him like a tidal wave. His
hand trembled as he reached out, placing it on her shoulder as he shook his
head.
“This town wouldn’t be here if
we hadn’t done what we did, Buffy. We
wouldn’t be here. But…we are.”
Buffy was quiet for a minute and
then looked at him. “You panicked when
you realized I was gone, didn’t you?”
“Yes. I…I didn’t know where you were.”
He answered hesitantly.
She huffed lightly. “Thought I’d run away again? I’m not a seventeen-year-old girl anymore,
Giles.”
“No, that’s not…” He sighed heavily and shook his head. “I know you’re angry with me, Buffy. And you have every right to be. But…I still love you.”
Just a few weeks earlier, Buffy
would have just assumed that he meant that he loved her as a friend, as his
Slayer. But, now...now was
different. The First had returned a memory
to her that had been lost when she died.
The memory of the night they shared before she leapt off the tower to
save the world.
The First had known that she
wouldn’t confront him about it, it wasn’t in her nature. And so the First had used that knowledge…had
known that she would punish herself with it.
And the First had known that she would think that he had moved
on…especially considering the fact that he hadn’t brought up the subject
himself.
She hadn’t told him that the
First had given her the memory. But,
as she looked into his eyes…eyes that were so kind, and so full of love when he
looked at her…she knew that she had to.
“I remember.” She whispered, her voice trembling as she
looked back out into the night.
When his brow furrowed in
confusion, she took a deep breath and continued.
“I remember making love with you…the
night before I died. I remember being
in love with you, Giles.”
Giles paled as his eyes
widened. “I…you…you never said…”
“I didn’t remember until a few
weeks ago.” She admitted, lowering her
eyes. “That’s why it hurt so much when
you lied to me about Spike. Why didn’t
you tell me? Why didn’t you force me to
remember when I came back?”
“I…” His eyes glistened as he swallowed. “How could I, Buffy?
You…obviously didn’t remember. And
I couldn’t force that on you.”
“I was so horrible to you…”
“It was understandable. It hurt, wanting to hold you and not being
able to…but, I understood.” He lifted
his hand and gently touched her cheek.
“I never stopped loving you, Buffy.”
“Even after everything I’ve
done?”
“Yes, love.” He whispered and brushed his lips across
hers. “Nothing could stop me from
loving you.”
She shuddered and he pulled her
against his chest. She held on to him
tightly, relishing the feel of his soft sweater against her cheek.
“How do I do this?”
“Do what, Buffy?” He asked softly, rubbing her back
soothingly.
“We lost so many people in this
fight, Giles.” Her fingers clutched his
sweater. “And I nearly lost you so many
times.”
He nodded slowly, finally
understanding her meaning. “You lean on
me, that’s how you do it. I’ll support
you, Buffy…just lean on me.”
She lifted her head slightly,
just enough that her warm breath ghosted across his neck. “Will you lean on me?”
“Yes.” He took her hand in his, his thumb rubbing against her palm. “Xander will need us as well…”
“What about Willow?” She asked, brushing her lips across his
neck.
“She has Kennedy.” He swallowed thickly. “Xander isn’t dealing with Anya’s death.”
“Just like I couldn’t have dealt
with yours.” She whispered and settled
against his chest again.
Giles watched the lights in the
town slowly go out, house by house, as people went to bed. “Buffy?”
“Hm?” She murmured sleepily, her exhaustion quickly catching up to her.
“Tell me what you see.”
She lifted her head and looked
out over the town, a smile slowly appearing on her face.
“Beauty, love…life.”
He nodded, returning her
smile. He shifted until he was able to
lean against the tree stump that was just to his left and pulled her onto his
lap. He wrapped his arms around her as
she rested her head on his shoulder.
He knew that she was tired, that
she needed to rest. And there was no
danger here. They could stay here for a
while longer, appreciating the beauty of this new world…and one another.
They could take comfort in one
another…giving each other the strength to comfort their friends when they
returned to the motel. And they could
finally let go of the guilt and anger that they each were carrying.
The First may have returned her
memories as punishment, but he saw it as a building block for getting their
relationship back on track. And after
two years, Buffy was more than ready to let love back into her heart.
~ End