Title: Lost!
Author: Froxyn
Rating: FRM
Pairing:
Buffy/Giles
Timeline:
Post-series, AU.
Synopsis: Giles
has a new Slayer. Buffy isn’t happy.
Author’s Note:
Album fic. Song and lyrics can be
found here.
Buffy strode down the hallway with purpose. Giles’ tirade ran through her mind and she
felt her anger grow.
“I’ll show him big fish in a little pond.” She muttered to herself as she turned the
corner.
She rolled her eyes as Gina walked out of Giles’ office and smiled at
her. “Hi, Buffy.”
“Shut the hell up.” Buffy stated
as she glared at her, pushing her way past the younger Slayer.
Gina moved out of the way quickly as Buffy put her hand on the
doorknob. “I didn’t mean to make – ”
Buffy turned and pointed a finger at her, her eyes dark with anger. “I said…shut the hell up.”
She didn’t give Gina time to say anything else, turning the doorknob
with a force that wasn’t exactly required for opening a door. Giles looked up as his office door opened and
sighed heavily as Buffy stormed her way inside, slamming the door shut behind
her.
“Buffy, please…”
“No! You don’t get to say ‘Buffy,
please’ this time. Big
fish, little pond? Well, fuck you, Giles!”
Giles narrowed his eyes, danger flickering in them as he pushed his
chair back and stood up. “Watch your
mouth, Buffy.”
“Oh, no…you don’t get to tell me what to do anymore either. You’re the one who said that I’m not your
Slayer anymore.”
“No, you made that decision.”
Giles countered, placing his hands on the desktop and leaning forward,
glaring at her.
“What? When the hell did I – ”
“When you slammed the door in my face!” He bellowed, his control
momentarily lost. “You let me go, Buffy…I didn’t leave you again. Do not put this on me this time. You want to be
angry, fine…but, you have no right to be angry with me over this.”
Buffy opened her mouth…and then closed it when she realized that he was
right. “I…I thought I apologized for
that.”
Giles clenched his jaw and straightened, taking a deep breath in an
attempt to calm himself. “You apologized, Buffy…and I accepted your
apology. However…you never asked me to
return as your Watcher. Gina needs a
Watcher…and I...well, I need a Slayer.”
Buffy furrowed her brow. “I never asked you? You could’ve said
something to me...you should’ve said
something to me!”
Giles shook his head and rolled the sleeves of his shirt one turn. “That’s not how it works, Buffy. If a Slayer breaks the bond voluntarily, she
is the only one who can repair it. If
she doesn’t ask, the bond remains severed...no matter how much both Watcher and
Slayer want otherwise.”
“I didn’t know!” Buffy cried in
frustration. “You never let me read the
handbook!”
“You wouldn’t have asked even if you had read the handbook. This has nothing to do with what was written
in the handbook, Buffy. This has to do
with pride.” He sighed sadly and looked
into her eyes. “You were too proud to
ask. You were well aware of the fact
that you broke the bond. You felt it as
much as I did. But...you never felt the
reparations, did you?”
“I’m losing you…” She whispered,
lowering her eyes as she took a backwards step towards the door. Her anger suddenly left her, replaced by a sadness
she hadn’t felt in years. “I’m losing
you again…”
Though he may not have been her official Watcher, he still shared an
emotional bond with her. And through
that bond, he felt a wave of pain that threatened to rip his heart in two. He swallowed and let go of his anger.
“It’s me who’s losing you, Buffy.
I’ve been losing you for years…I’ve just been too stubborn to let
go.” He moved around the desk and sat on
the edge, his glare softening to a gentle stare when she met his eyes.
“What?”
“I’m not lost to you…but, I can’t watch you walk away from me any
longer. I need to move on…to be where
I’m needed.”
“I need you, Giles…” She
protested quickly.
“I deserved your anger then, Buffy.”
He admitted softly. “I betrayed
your trust and tried to help Robin dispose of Spike. You were angry, and rightfully so.”
“Giles…”
“I tried to regain that trust time and time again over the years. And though you may not have physically
slammed a door in my face again, you never let me back in…and after a while, it
just became too painful to keep trying.”
Buffy looked into his eyes, hers glistening as she heard the pain in his
words.
“What can I do to make it better?”
He exhaled slowly and shook his head.
“I’m not sure it can be made better, Buffy.”
“But, you…you forgave me…and then – ”
“Buffy, please…don’t.” He
whispered, his eyes pleading with her.
“Please, let it lie.”
“You loved me?” She asked, her
eyes widening with astonishment.
He stared at her for a moment and then stood, making his way over to the
window. He looked out across the city
and sighed heavily.
“Love.”
He whispered, shoving his right hand into his pocket.
“What?”
He turned slowly towards her.
“Love…present, not past, tense.”
He waited for a second to watch her reaction. When she gasped, he continued…maintaining eye
contact with her.
“I loved you then, I love you now…I’ve never
stopped loving you.”
It took a minute, but her voice finally came back. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
He smiled sadly and leaned his shoulder against one of the many
bookshelves in his office. “You didn’t
want to hear that then. To be very
honest, I’m not sure you want to hear it now.”
“You…love me?”
“Mm.” He mumbled,
glancing longingly towards the bottle of scotch on top of the liquor
cabinet.
She followed his gaze and sighed.
“Isn’t it against Council rules to have a fully stocked liquor cabinet
in your office?”
“I’m Head of Council, Buffy…I can change the
rules if I want. Besides…liquor can be a
useful tool when dealing with certain demonic races.”
“Do you want a drink?” She asked,
tilting her head towards the bottle.
“Yes…but, I don’t drink at work.
I’m sure I’ll get well plastered tonight.”
“Giles…”
“You are a big fish in a little pond, Buffy.” He stated with a smile. “But, you are the biggest fish in this
pond. You are what I hope all of the
other Slayers look up to…and your skills are what I hope they strive to
achieve. What I said earlier was true,
but not the complete truth. Be proud of
the fact that you’re a big fish.”
When she opened her mouth to respond, he shook his head.
“Go home, Buffy. Get some
rest.”
She regarded him carefully before walking directly over to him. In one fluid movement, she rose up on her
toes and wrapped her hand around the back of his neck. When she kissed him, he resisted for only a
moment before returning the kiss with a passion that he hadn’t felt since the
last time their lips had touched.
She broke the kiss slowly and gazed into his eyes. “You shouldn’t drink alone.”
“Are you offering your company?”
He asked, lifting his left hand to brush the hair back from her
face.
She nodded and smiled warmly. “If you’ll have me.”
“Be very sure…I can’t watch you walk away again.” He whispered, trailing his fingertips down
the side of her face.
“I loved you then, I love you now…I’ve never
stopped loving you.” She whispered in an
echo of his earlier statement, sealing it with another soft kiss.
He quickly deepened the kiss and made a mental note to find another
Watcher for Gina.
~ End