Title: White Shadows
Author: Froxyn
Rating: FRT
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Timeline: S4, AU.
Synopsis: Giles is
feeling left out.
Author’s Note: Album fic. Song and lyrics
can be found here.
Giles rolled his eyes as Riley
ran through the cemetery gate. Buffy
didn’t see Riley, but she did see Giles’ reaction to something.
“What was that about?”
“What?” Giles questioned, meeting her eyes.
“The rolling
of the eyes. Why – ”
She was interrupted by Riley’s
cheerful voice. “Hey, Buffy…thought I
might find you here.”
“Oh…” Buffy stated softly, suddenly understanding
the eye roll.
Riley smiled but furrowed his
brow. “Oh? Oh what?”
“Huh? Oh…nothing.” She glanced at Giles just in time to see him
roll his eyes again before turning back to Riley. “Were you looking for me?”
“Yeah, Professor Walsh wants to
see you.”
Buffy heard Giles grumble under
his breath and looked over at him. Her
eyes widened in surprise as she watched him walk away.
“Hey…Giles! Where are you
going?” She called out, tilting her head
questioningly as Giles stopped but didn’t turn around.
“Home. I expect you for
training tomorrow.”
Before she could say anything,
he had started walking again. She looked
up at Riley and slipped her stake back into her pocket.
“What does Walsh want?”
“New demon in
Sector Five.” He glanced across the cemetery, barely able
to make out Giles’ shape as he walked towards his car. “Is he okay?”
Buffy sighed and shrugged her
shoulders. “I don’t know…he’s been
acting a little funny lately. I might go
over and talk to him after…” She
narrowed her eyes as Riley rolled his.
“What the hell was that for?”
“Nothing…it’s just…” He sighed and shoved his left hand in his
pocket and ran the fingers of his right hand through his hair. “You said he’s not your Watcher anymore…so
why do you have to go talk to him?”
Buffy surprised herself by
becoming immediately defensive of Giles.
“Technically he’s not my
Watcher. I mean…he still Watches,
um…trains me…he just doesn’t get paid for it anymore. And I’m not going to talk to him because he
is, or isn’t, my Watcher. I’m going to
talk to him because he’s my friend…and there’s something bothering him…which
bothers me.”
“Buffy…” Riley exhaled a deep breath. “I’m pretty sure he’s okay without you. He doesn’t need you squirming into his free
time…let him live his life…”
Buffy’s eyes flashed with
anger. “Squirming? You think I’m squirming? You have no idea what the two of us have been
through over the past three years.
I…there’s no point in even trying to explain it to you, ‘cause you’ll
never understand it.”
When she turned to walk away, he
grabbed her arm. “Where are you going?”
She glared at him, clenching her
jaw and then relaxing it. “To talk to Giles…my Watcher.”
“But, Professor Walsh…” Riley started to protest.
Buffy jerked her arm free from
his grasp. “Tell Professor Walsh that I
quit. I don’t need the military…I need
Giles.”
Riley narrowed his eyes
slightly. “What’s this really about?”
“This is about the relationship
between the Slayer and her Watcher…and trigger happy demon hunting soldiers not
understanding.”
Riley shook his head, his eyes
widening. “No, it’s not. You…holy shit…are you sleeping with him?”
“What?” Buffy stared at him, not really believing he
had just asked that question. “Did you really ask me that?”
“Yeah, I did. Because your eyes…you…” A nervous smile tugged at the corner of his
mouth. “It’s more than you sleeping with
him.”
“I’m not sleeping with him.”
Buffy stated, rolling her eyes.
“But you want to.” Riley replied softly.
He cleared his throat as Buffy
lowered her eyes. She kicked a rock,
purposely not responding to Riley’s statement.
“Buffy…”
She shook her head quickly and
took a step back. “I have to go,
Riley. I…whatever was happening between
us, I…I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“You…can’t?” He whispered.
“Because I…I, uh…” She stopped herself, not wanting Riley to be
the first person to hear her say it. “I
can’t be here right now.”
And with that, she turned and
ran out of the cemetery…leaving Riley standing there, his hand in his pocket
and confusion in his eyes.
* * *
Giles looked up from the book in
his hands when his front door opened.
His brow furrowed as Buffy rushed in and closed the door behind her.
“Buffy?” He closed the book and placed it on the
coffee table as he stood up.
“What’s wrong?” They both asked at the same time.
Giles shook his head
lightly. “You first.”
“No.” She refused quickly. “You first. No hesitations, no stuttering…just tell me
what’s wrong.”
“I don’t stutter. Stammer, perhaps…at times…but I don’t stutter…”
“Giles! For all that’s
holy in your world, what is wrong with you?”
Giles regarded her carefully,
sighing as he sat back down on the couch.
“I rather thought that it was our
world.”
“What?” She asked softly, sitting next to him.
He rubbed his hand along his
thigh in a nervous gesture. “Do, uh…do
you need me here? I’m not talking about the books…any of you
could research demons. Am I
needed? Me…as a person, as…”
She tilted her head slightly as
he sighed and trailed off. She couldn’t
help but notice how adorable he actually looked. And then she felt a wave of sadness go
through her.
Yes, he looked adorable…but he
also looked so insecure.
“Giles…I do need you.” She whispered,
reaching out to cover his hand with hers.
“You…not your books.”
“I’ve always been a part of
this…” He waved his hand vaguely in the
air. “It’s always been a part of me…the
Council, the Watchers, the Slayers. I, uh…this ‘Initiative’…they have the
capability of rendering me obsolete.
I…was part of a system here.”
“You still are.” She answered, wrapping her fingers around
his. “You are the system.”
He looked down at their joined
hands and swallowed. “Buffy…”
“I quit the Initiative.” She blurted out. “They don’t understand us…”
“Us?”
“Watcher, Slayer…Buffy,
Giles.” She smiled, rubbing her thumb
over the back of his hand. “We’re a
mystery to them…or a puzzle. Either way,
they don’t get us.”
“And Riley?” He questioned
tentatively, not sure if he really wanted to know. “I…I, uh…I…well, I…”
Buffy chuckled softly. “No need to stutter, Giles.”
“Stammer.” He corrected automatically. “It’s just…the two of you have seemed to be
rather, uh…close…lately.”
“Maybe we would’ve been. But…we’re not.”
He looked up quickly, staring
into her eyes. “You’re…not?”
She shook her head, her fingers
lightly stroking the inside of his wrist.
“No. He kinda
made me see something…and then I kinda realized that
we weren’t meant to be together.”
He swallowed, hoping that she
couldn’t see the panic in his eyes. The
panic was not because of where he thought the conversation was heading…but
because he was afraid that it wasn’t going there. She glanced down at her hand still on his
wrist, the tip of her middle finger resting on his pulse point. She smiled when she felt his pulse increase.
“Sometimes you stumble upon
something…and sometimes that something is something that you’ve wanted, but
didn’t realize it for a while.”
Giles’ brow furrowed. “I’m sorry?”
“And when you find it, you
decide that you want…or need to keep it.”
She continued.
He shook his head in
confusion. “Buffy, I don’t underst – ”
“I love you.” She whispered hurriedly, lowering her eyes as
he gasped. “Riley asked if I was sleeping
with you…if that was part of the Watcher/Slayer thing…and…”
She trailed off and pulled her
hand from his wrist. They sat in silence
for a few moments before Giles whispered one word.
“Sometimes.”
She raised her eyes slowly to
find him staring intently at her.
“What?”
He licked his lips and took a
deep breath. “It is part of the,
um…Watcher/Slayer ‘thing’…sometimes.”
Buffy’s heart began to
race. “Do you want it to be?”
“I…well, I…” His gaze darted to her lips before returning
to her questioning hazel eyes. “Is this
your way of showing me that I’m still part of the system?”
“No.” Her hand trembled as she lifted it to the
side of his face. “This is me saying
that I feel like something’s missing when you’re not around. And this is me saying that…”
He reached up, covering her hand
when she started to pull away. “This is
you saying what, Buffy?”
“We are not part of the system,
Giles. We are part of us…and we’re not
us if we’re not…” She groaned in
frustration as the words failed to come together properly. “God, why is this so hard?”
A smile flickered in Giles’
eyes. “You’re trying too hard. Don’t think…just open your mouth and speak.”
“Why can’t you just kiss me?”
He dropped his hand, allowing it
to rest between them. “Is that what you
really want, Buffy?”
When she nodded, he sighed. “Are you wanting
this to be simply a kiss, a casual affair, or…more?”
“What?” She asked, her eyes widening.
“I can’t be casual, Buffy…” He leaned towards her, his hand moving until
his fingers were brushing her outer thigh.
“Not with you. If it’s casual you
want, you’ll need to go elsewhere.”
She slid her hand from the side
of his face to the back of his neck. “Is
that the super British Giles way of saying ‘I love you too’? ‘Cause I think I’ve
already said it…and you didn’t say it back or anything.”
A smile graced his lips as he
closed the gap between them and kissed her gently. “I do love you so.”
“More.” She whispered, running her fingertips up and
down the nape of his neck. “I want it to
be more…”
His smile grew as he pulled her
into a warm embrace. He made a mental
note to thank Riley Finn the next time he saw him.
If he saw him
again.
~ End