Author: Froxyn
Rating: FRT
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Timeline: A few years post-series, AU.
Synopsis: Buffy’s been hurt. Can Giles show her that it’s okay to love?
Author’s
Note: Album fic. Song and lyrics can be found here.
Giles lifted his hand to the
side of her face, brushing his thumb over her tear-stained cheek. “It’s alright, Buffy. I’m not going anywhere.”
She sniffled, not meeting his
eyes. “Is this what it feels like?”
“What what
feels like?” He whispered, wanting more
than anything to take her doubts from her.
“To be touched by love.” She lifted her head slowly, finally returning
his gaze. “Do you love me?”
His eyes glistened, her pain
and fear emanating from her trembling body.
“I love you so very much, Buffy.”
“I...I want to believe you.”
He swallowed thickly, feeling
an irrational urge to hunt down every man and vampire she had been with in the
past. “I understand why you’d find it
hard to trust me...”
“No...” She protested quickly, her eyes
widening. “I trust you, Giles. I just...I don’t
trust...love.”
“I did leave you once.” He whispered sadly.
“You had your reasons. And I understood them after a while.” She wiped the tears from her face and took an
unsteady breath. “And I forgave you for
that so long ago.”
“I...I’ve done this at the
wrong time. I’m sorry...”
“You have all of these
beautiful words...” She interrupted him
gently. “And...I’ve been hurt by every
man who’s ever touched me. I want to
give you everything, Giles...I want to be with you. But...I’m so scared because...”
When another tear fell from
her eye, a matching one fell from his.
“If you hurt me, I don’t know
how to come back from that.” She
continued on a choked sob.
“You’d rather close yourself
off from love than give yourself the chance to be truly loved...for the rest of
your life?” He asked, leaning forward
and resting his forehead against hers. “Because I will, Buffy.
I’ll love you with all of my heart for the rest of your life...whether
we’re together or not.”
“You can’t say that, Giles.”
He lifted his head and
brushed his lips across her cheek. “And
you can’t say that I’ll hurt you.”
She looked into his eyes and
bit her bottom lip. He saw the question
in her eyes…knew what it was that she wanted to ask, but instead of answering
it he softly requested her to ask.
Her voice wavered as she
nervously spoke.
“Is...do
you want...would it just be...” She
sighed heavily and lowered her eyes. “Do
you just want sex?”
Physically, Buffy was still
the strongest person Giles had ever known.
Emotionally, though, she was fragile.
Her last breakup had been hard on her. The pillock, which
was the nicest word Giles had been able to come up
with as a description for her ex, had used her...but that hadn’t been the worst
part. No, the worst part had been her
walking in on him and another woman...in the bed Buffy had shared with him.
After that breakup, Buffy had come to the conclusion that every sexual
experience she had had...with the exception of Angel...was nothing more than
sex. And so she had embarked on a few
months worth of sexual exploits...merely for the sake of having sex.
She’d seemed quite happy with
that decision until a couple of hours ago when Giles had sat down and poured
his heart out to her.
“No.” He whispered tenderly. “Buffy...I’ve had the same mindset that you
have at the moment. But, that’s not
where I am now. This...if it was just
sex that I wanted, I wouldn’t have told you my true feelings.”
“You could’ve just said ‘I
want to fuck you’.” She agreed, lifting
her eyes to meet his.
Giles closed his eyes and
lowered his head. “But, that’s not what
I want.”
“No, it’s not. You want a relationship.”
He looked up quickly at the
clipped tone of her voice. “I...yes, I
do. Because you
deserve to be loved...truly loved.
You deserve to have breakfast in bed every Sunday morning. You deserve to have a romantic candle-lit
dinner once a week. You deserve to have
someone listen to your irrational fears, your nonsensical ramblings, your infuriating rants about whatever’s bothering you at
that particular moment. You deserve to
have someone hold you when you cry when you watch a disgustingly sentimental
movie. You deserve...”
“You really do love me.” She whispered in astonishment.
When he furrowed his brow in
confusion over the fact that she suddenly believed him, she rested her cheek
against the back of the couch and looked into his eyes.
“If you didn’t really love
me...you’d say I deserved breakfast in bed every morning...and romantic
candle-lit dinners every night.”
Giles gave a soft
half-chuckle and tenderly stroked the side of her face with his
fingertips. “I’d love to promise you
that...but, I can’t.”
She chewed her bottom lip as
she thought and then exhaled slowly.
“What do you want, Giles? I mean...right now...”
He answered with no
hesitation, his eyes locked with hers.
“The chance to show you that love does exist...and that not everyone who
you give the chance to love you will hurt you.”
“You...don’t want to make
love or...”
He smiled softly as she
trailed off. “Eventually I would like
that opportunity. And...I
would love to start working towards that goal.
But...no, not now. There’s no need to rush this...”
“I don’t know when I’ll be
ready.” She stated truthfully, lifting
her head and running her fingers through her hair. “I’m...kinda damaged at the moment.”
“I’m a patient man,
Buffy.” He replied as he tucked a strand
of hair behind her ear. “And...I'm not
exactly in pristine condition either...emotionally or physically.”
She regarded him carefully
for a few moments and then cleared her throat.
“So...what happens now? We just
push each other around until we’re both fixed up and ready for more?”
“Yes...something like
that.” His warm smile
showing in his eyes.
She licked her lips and gave
him a nod. “Okay...do, uh...do you want
to kiss me or anything?”
“Very much
so.” He admitted on a tender whisper. “But, I think I’d much rather just hold you
for a while...if that’s alright with you.”
She gave a relieved sigh and
nervously moved into his arms. She
closed her eyes when he closed his arms protectively around her, resting his
cheek against the top of her head.
The pushing had begun...as
well as the healing.
For both of
them.
~ End